We all play a role of multiple relationships in a lifetime. We play the role of a daughter/ son, a brother/ sister, a parent, friend, spouse, grandparents, teacher, student, aunt, uncle, etc. All these relationships are God’s gift to each one of us. We need to strengthen it with lots of love and acceptance. But are we able to build strong relationships for a lifetime? What is essential to build strong relationships? Let us see…
A small talk with a woman :
Are you married?
Yes, I am married for the past 8 years.
Good. Do you stay with your in-laws?
We stayed with our in-laws a few years back. For the past 3 years we (my husband, kids and I) stay in another house.
Are you attached to your family?
Yes, I am very much attached, I love them.
Can you tell me what attachment is?
Attachment is being involved with people we care about. When I am attached with my family, I can easily understand their feelings and be supportive to them.
Say, if your husband gets upset with something and speaks a little harsh with you and kids, how would you deal with it?
Speaking harsh/ shouting/ using bad words/ any sort of violence is not allowed in my family. So, I will either pull him out of the scene or ask him to stay quiet. If a little anger is needed to settle him, then I will have to be harsh too.
You said you are attached, meaning, you will be supportive. Does this reaction help you to have a good relationship with your husband?
I need peace and happiness in family. So in order to maintain it, I will have to be more powerful. It happens to all. Everyone gets angry when things are not their way.Let us not bother about ALL. Let us just look only and only about myself. What all people do, may not be right always. When we say “ALL”, we feel as though it is normal and good. Let us just focus only on “what I think, how I feel and how my behavior is!!”
Being powerful lies in controlling ourselves and not in controlling others. When we are attached to people, we tend to copy their emotions, like,
- If one is happy, the other is also happy.😀
- If one is angry then the other is also in anger.😡
- If one is in pain, the other is also in pain.😢
- If you love me, I love you💖. If you hate me, I will also hate you👿.
When our state of mind is controlled or changes, depending on others, we cannot be supportive to the needs of others. We need to be detached.
Detached??? When we are detached, relationships break. We remain cold/ insensitive to people. How can detachment help??
Detachment means being detached (not attached) from the influence of people and situations. We need to keep our state of mind, unaffected by state of mind of others. In other words, the remote control of our mind should lie with us and not with others. By being so, we will be able to understand people from their perspective and be helpful to all. Nowadays, even a stranger on the road has the remote control of our mind? Isn’t it?? Someone slightly touches our vehicle and there we are, at the peak of anger; shouting at him.
How? Can you explain?
Say a couple had planned to go out for dinner. But the husband returns home late from office and speaks a little rudely with his wife. If the wife is attached, she will be hurt. She will either revert back the same rudeness towards him or will avoid seeing/ talking to him.
If we really care for each other, we would understand the difficulties of the other and try to calm them. This is detachment. Instead if we also get hurt or become angry whenever another is upset/ disturbed, will it help anyone??
Any relationship is bound with love, care, concern and acceptance. In case of any financial crisis or physical hurt (accident/ ill health) within family/ friends, we are able to understand and help each other. But when people are emotionally disturbed, are we able to understand and support them??
“We tend to judge others easily by their behavior; instead, if we try to understand the reason behind the behavior and help them, our relationships would be much stronger.”
When others do not agree with our definition of right (what we feel right), we try to force our opinion. In this process, the other feels as though he/ she is being controlled and would further move away. If we truly care for our family/ friends, we only need to keep giving our suggestions/ opinions/ advises only for their benefit and give them the time to accept it.
In the next post, I’ll explain you with Examples to show how detachment strengthens relationships.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
To be continued…