“Give Respect and Take Respect” — Is This Really True?
No, it is not entirely true.
This statement is very popular, and most people consider it a good rule for life. But when we look deeper, we realize it is only half-true — and many times, it traps us in wrong expectations.
What is Respect?
Respect means fully accepting people as they are, without saying anything. Even if we feel what they are doing is wrong, we still accept them exactly as they are. We don’t judge them (not even ourselves), we don’t blame them, we don’t try to control them, and we don’t criticize them.
When we say, “Accept people as they are,” a question often arises in the mind: “So, should I let them do bad things? Should I not give advice, suggestions, or guidance?”
No! It simply means understanding that everyone is different, and everyone has their own thoughts and choices. Separate the person from their actions.
Respect is the image I create about someone in my mind. This image is not dependent on that person, but on the purity of my own thinking.
If I am pure, loving, positive, and unbiased, I will create a good image of everyone. But if I am stuck in negativity, I will create a bad image of everyone. Therefore, respect depends only on my own thoughts, not on anyone else!
Respect is something internal. What we think about each other is a separate matter.
Examples:
- A watchman may salute you, but in his mind he might be thinking, “Who is this crazy person?”
- A colleague may say, “Good morning, nice to meet you,” but in his mind he might be thinking, “Oh no, the devil has arrived!”
Is this respect? No!
Respect is the picture I create about someone in my mind. It depends not on that person, but on the purity of my own thinking.
If I am pure, loving, positive, and fair, I will paint a good picture of everyone. But if I am in negativity, I will paint a bad picture of everyone. So respect depends only on my own mindset, not on others!
We have often heard: “Give respect, and you will get respect.” Is this true? No! Respect, love, and trust are all one-sided. The moment you start expecting them from others, you lose everything. All these emotions are created by us within ourselves.
We have become so dependent on others for our behavior that we have lost our own personality. We blame others for our feelings:
- If they behave differently, we get angry.
- If they betray us, we say our life is ruined.
- If they insult us, we want revenge.
Bla! Bla! Bla!
Read also: You are what you do
Example:
Respect for Teachers: I praise them, listen to everything they say, and trust them. I never judge them. If their actions differ from my idea of “right,” I try to understand from their perspective and keep compassion.
Respect for Children: I expect respect from them, but first I show them respect myself. Parents should accept their children as individuals.
Example – Before Marriage: A boy and girl spend time together, understand each other’s likes and dislikes.
- They accept each other as they are (without judgment).
- They understand each other’s emotions.
- They respect each other’s opinions and sometimes even adopt them. But it is not necessary that they always agree with each other.
- They think positively, make each other happy, and apologize when needed.
- They give a lot of value to each other. Here, there is more acceptance and fewer expectations.
After Marriage: Differences in thinking will naturally exist. For example – if the husband dislikes pink color and the wife wears it, and the husband gets irritated and asks her to change – this is wrong! Judging and trying to change someone means rejection. Rejection equals disrespect. Disrespect is harmful in a relationship.
Signs of Disrespect:
- Why are you so confused?
- You are wrong, don’t you know?
- Why do you dress/speak/eat like this?
- You are troubling me!
- You are cunning/lazy…
- You never understand/listen…
Remember: Never target the person. Deep inside, we are all pure and good. The world is beautiful because everyone is different – in thoughts, opinions, choices, and skills. Just accept this. People will make mistakes. Empower them, give positive feedback. Respect the doer (the person), not the deed (the action)!
Read also: What is fear & How to overcome it?
Is Fear = Respect? No! Fear is negative and creates hatred. Love cannot come from fear. Saying “Fear God” is completely wrong. Respect is a positive thing – it connects relationships.
Children and ‘Fear vs Respect’:
- Through fear: They obey only because of punishment.
- Through respect: They understand why they should obey, do it with love, and know that we truly care for them.
Which one will you choose?
Is it right to expect respect? Whatever we give, that much will return. We should receive respect for our inner goodness, not for external things (position, style, education).
If I fully accept everyone (whatever the outcome), then I can have expectations. Keep expectations, but also accept the results.
Example – Child’s Marks: You expect 95%. Encourage the child lovingly: “You will score 95%, it’s easy for you!” But if you say “You must bring 95%,” it becomes pressure. The child will think, “If I don’t get it, Mom and Dad will be unhappy!”
God teaches us: God is everything for us – mother, father, friend, and the owner of the universe 💫. He loves us unconditionally, accepts us despite our mistakes, and takes care of us. He accepts us exactly as we are. He loves and cares for us regardless of our good or bad actions.
He respects us because we are His children. So, shouldn’t we behave the same way with each other? 😊 Then why don’t we?
