Let us assess our understanding on “self-respect”
Each one of us has self respect. It makes us feel good, feel prestigious, confident and strong. Very good.
When do you feel that you have self respect?
I feel it when
I feel it when
- People around me, my friends, family, colleagues, seniors, etc treat me with love and respect.
- People accept and support me in all activities
- I am acknowledged and appreciated for my work
- My opinions and feelings are considered and valued But practically speaking, can all people accept you, the way you are? Each one of us has our own strengths and weaknesses, so, there can be many scenarios where others may differ from you?
Yes, I know people are different but there is always a way to tell it. At home or in business or any organization, people have their own views. The way they are expressed matters the most.
Absolutely. But if you always expect people to express it/ behave the way you want, is it possible?
It is not the way I want; it is the only decent/ professional way of behaving.
Is the world run by any common rule/ universal law?
No, but it is common sense to express one’s views/ ideas in the right way, in a way which does not offend others.
“People will always behave in a way that they feel is right and no one can change this. Trying to change others forcefully is only a waste of energy and time. Acceptance, understanding and repeated suggestions with patience and care is the key to change people for their good.”
Ok. Say, if people don’t accept your opinion (or) you are given least importance (or) people comment that you are not knowledgeable to add value (or) say that you are unfit, then how would you deal with it?
I will blast them if possible or express my anger in some way and will walk away from that place. Why should I involve / participate in a place where I am not considered/ not respected? But yes, I will teach them a lesson. Next time, I will show them who they are and who I am. They have disrespected me, I have lost my self-respect.
I understand that people’s reaction towards you, was not good but was your response good?
Yes, I was right. I know to maintain my self-respect.
Is this reaction called maintaining one’s self-respect???
“Self-respect means respecting the self, i.e. accepting the self always, in all phases of life. To respect the self means, to value ourselves, to treat ourselves very well. It is totally in our hands, not in the way others treat us. “I am not disturbed, nothing can make me unstable, I am so powerful that nothing can shake me”, this is giving respect to myself, this is giving dignity to myself.”
So if people mock at me in public or react in an unprofessional way, will I not feel bad? Will it not lower my status/ my prestige/ my self-respect?
People always behave based on their attitude, their sanskars (habits in a subtle form). Let us not allow it to affect the way we think about ourselves. Self-respect is completely different from status or prestige. Status/ prestige is based on physical possessions like wealth, property, fame, qualification, designation, career, etc. Self-respect is an inner feeling of acceptance which is only based on the way we value ourselves.
So, what can I do in such a situation? Accept what people say and stay quiet?
No. We know what we are. When people comment at us, we just need to check their statements. If they are right, then accept it and proceed with the ways to improve, else respond politely and ignore their comments. If at all, we feel uncomfortable and want to walk away, walk away after responding gently. When we react negatively and move away, we may go away physically from that place, but will our mind stay quiet? We will keep brooding about “what they said, why it was told, how can it be told, what do they think about themselves, how to punish them, etc”. These thoughts will create huge negativity in us that we will spoil all our work and relations. We will tend to behave badly even with those who were good to us. Our quality of work/ study will deteriorate. Overall, we will become weak within and physically.
“If one cannot respect the self, he can never respect people around him.”
Absolutely. But if you always expect people to express it/ behave the way you want, is it possible?
It is not the way I want; it is the only decent/ professional way of behaving.
Is the world run by any common rule/ universal law?
No, but it is common sense to express one’s views/ ideas in the right way, in a way which does not offend others.
“People will always behave in a way that they feel is right and no one can change this. Trying to change others forcefully is only a waste of energy and time. Acceptance, understanding and repeated suggestions with patience and care is the key to change people for their good.”
Ok. Say, if people don’t accept your opinion (or) you are given least importance (or) people comment that you are not knowledgeable to add value (or) say that you are unfit, then how would you deal with it?
I will blast them if possible or express my anger in some way and will walk away from that place. Why should I involve / participate in a place where I am not considered/ not respected? But yes, I will teach them a lesson. Next time, I will show them who they are and who I am. They have disrespected me, I have lost my self-respect.
I understand that people’s reaction towards you, was not good but was your response good?
Yes, I was right. I know to maintain my self-respect.
Is this reaction called maintaining one’s self-respect???
“Self-respect means respecting the self, i.e. accepting the self always, in all phases of life. To respect the self means, to value ourselves, to treat ourselves very well. It is totally in our hands, not in the way others treat us. “I am not disturbed, nothing can make me unstable, I am so powerful that nothing can shake me”, this is giving respect to myself, this is giving dignity to myself.”
So if people mock at me in public or react in an unprofessional way, will I not feel bad? Will it not lower my status/ my prestige/ my self-respect?
People always behave based on their attitude, their sanskars (habits in a subtle form). Let us not allow it to affect the way we think about ourselves. Self-respect is completely different from status or prestige. Status/ prestige is based on physical possessions like wealth, property, fame, qualification, designation, career, etc. Self-respect is an inner feeling of acceptance which is only based on the way we value ourselves.
So, what can I do in such a situation? Accept what people say and stay quiet?
No. We know what we are. When people comment at us, we just need to check their statements. If they are right, then accept it and proceed with the ways to improve, else respond politely and ignore their comments. If at all, we feel uncomfortable and want to walk away, walk away after responding gently. When we react negatively and move away, we may go away physically from that place, but will our mind stay quiet? We will keep brooding about “what they said, why it was told, how can it be told, what do they think about themselves, how to punish them, etc”. These thoughts will create huge negativity in us that we will spoil all our work and relations. We will tend to behave badly even with those who were good to us. Our quality of work/ study will deteriorate. Overall, we will become weak within and physically.
“If one cannot respect the self, he can never respect people around him.”
Its not easy to behave gently in such situations. I was hurt and in such a condition, it is natural to burst out.
OK, then don’t let others to hurt you. We will be hurt only when we take others opinion personally. Their opinions/ views/ comments/ behavior depend on their attitude, the way they think. If we look through a blue glass, everything around us will seem blue. This doesn’t mean that all things are blue. If we look at a white shirt through a red glass, it will seem red; does it mean that the shirt is red? No, that’s why our attitude or the way we think matters a lot.
We lose our self-respect only when we disrespect the self. The main culprit of losing self-respect is our EGO. Ego is the attachment to all the things which we have acquired in life, i.e. attachment to my designation, my status or position in family/work place, my richness, my fame, my qualification, my beauty, etc.
I understand that attitude of people differs but how can I respond positively when I am treated badly? It surely hits my self-respect.
Yes, others have treated us badly but how did we treat ourselves? The moment we fill ourselves with anger and hurt, we are disrespecting ourselves and so we lose our self respect. Other people’s behavior are not in our control, hence let us not try to keep correcting them. Just a silent checking of their comments within will help us a lot.
Why should I check? I clearly know that their comments are illogical/ irrelevant. How can I stay quiet?
If we feel their comments are irrelevant, it is beneficial for us to respond politely and assertively. We get hurt/ angry, only because of our own ego. Thoughts of ego like, “How can he talk about ME like this? What right have they got to comment about ME? Have they got any sense? Are they trying to underestimate ME?” We, each one of us are pure pure souls. Let us not attach ourselves to “I am a manager, I am a famous personality, I have a high status in society, I am the head of department/ I am the boss, I am the eldest in family, I know more than everyone, etc” This attachment arouses a lot of negative thoughts in us, thereby, we lose our self-respect.
When I am in a conference call or in a meeting in school/ college/ business/ any organization or even at home/ relatives place, I need to behave as per my designation/my role. It’s my responsibility. How can I think of me, as a soul???
True, we need to act according to our role. “Responsible means my ability to respond properly.” We now know that any person filled with anger/ hurt/ frustration etc cannot respond sensibly. If we say that we are responsible then we need to ensure that we remain unshaken by situations around us. This is being powerful. In other words, we need to remain emotionally stable for the benefit of the self and others. In order to remain emotionally stable, we need to keep reminding ourselves repeatedly that we are pure souls playing a role of a manager/ CEO/ any employee/ parent/ etc. This will slowly put down our ego. Hence our chances of getting hurt will reduce, thereby, we create a strong self-respect. In this state of self-respect, we will clearly see things in the real perspective and work towards solutions and peace. We will see the quality of our work improving, our relations, both personal and official, growing and we will value/ respect others too, irrespective of their behavior.
“The awareness of the truth that each one of us is pure, beautiful soul will create magic in our lives.”
Yes, now I understand the real meaning of self-respect. But, if all of us are pure souls, they why should people behave negatively?
We are always concerned about how others should behave and want them to change.Yes, all of us are pure souls but just that we are unaware of it and we say “Anger is natural, stress is natural, hurt is natural, worry in natural, etc. We started terming all unnatural things as natural and used this sentence to justify our negativity. Actually, happiness, peace, purity, love, faith, trust, compassion, kindness, forgiveness, etc are natural to us. This is the reason why we all run behind many saints and temples, in search of peace, happiness, etc. All those virtues are already within us, we only need to use it frequently in order to see it for ourselves. Do children have self-respect?
Yes, kids do have self- respect/ self-esteem. Kids are in a state where they get easily influenced by the way people behave around them. Since they spend their maximum time either in school or at home, it is the role of parents and teachers to build a strong self-esteem in them. When kids make mistakes, we need to keep telling them repeatedly the ways to do things the right way. Never ever term them as “bad girl/ bad boy, rowdy, careless girl/ careless boy, lazy-bugger, totally-unfit, destructive, untidy child”, etc. As we use these terms often, they get a deep understanding that whenever they do mistakes, they are bad and this will lower their self-respect a lot. This is the reason why many children in the age group of 13-25 years find it very difficult to face life after committing a mistake.
Children create an opinion about themselves from the way we term them. Hence we need to be very loving and compassionate. As we keep encouraging them in all their activities and guide them in the right way, they will create a strong- good self- image about themselves. This will help them to correct their mistakes and face life in an honest way.
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