At times, yes, but it does no harm. When I see someone much better than me in terms of beauty, style, dressing sense, financial status, working smart, eloquence, etc, when they are appreciated constantly, I feel jealous.
It does do no harm?? What is jealousy?
Jealousy is a negative feeling that we create when another person has achieved/got what we wanted but we have not. The thoughts behind jealousness are:
- I tried so hard several times, yet I did not get/ achieve. What will my family and friends think about me?
- I deserved it yet I did not get it.
Thought: How can the other person achieve it so easily? I worked harder. I am more experienced and elder than him/ her, how can he/she grow?
- I am a failure; maybe I don’t deserve anything good in life.
- I am and will be a sad person, I will be neglected by all.
- I am the odd man out, no one will like me.
Why do you feel jealous?
I feel jealous as I have not got what I wanted. Is it that? No, it is because another person has got what you wanted.
Example: Say, you have a kid and there is a fancy dress competition. If none of the participants have been shortlisted, you are fine, but if your kid has not been shortlisted and her friends have been, then we feel jealous and start finding faults, either with the kids or with the evaluation system.
Why do we feel so? Can’t we be happy for others and be inspired by their performances?
Say, you are an IT professional, when do you get jealous about someone? When
- My friend/ colleague keeps growing up the ladder and I remain in the same designation.
- My friends/ colleagues are appreciated constantly and I am not.
- I know clearly that I have more knowledge and work harder than others, yet I don’t get promoted when others are growing.
Say you are a student, when do you get jealous of someone? When
- I don’t score high marks or top the ranking list, in spite of doing my best constantly and others top the list easily.
- My friend is appreciated in front of me and I am not.
OK, So irrespective of age, we feel jealous when another person has achieved something that we wanted and we did not.
What do you do when you are jealous of some person?
I really don’t want to, but I tend to
- Copy that person’s behavior so that I can also achieve it.
- Hate the person.
- Criticize him/ her.
- Spread wrong information about the person to others.
- Try to pull him/ her down by unethical means.
- Cause harm to that person.
Very true. This is what jealousy does to any person. From the age of five, we have been taught in school and by parents, never to be jealous of anyone; but, do we follow it live long?
Jealousy is toxic, which will first ruin us to the core and will also cause harm to others. It will completely demoralize the person who is jealous and will fill him/her with negativity. Can such a person with negative feelings grow in life????
Comparison leads to jealousy. When we get jealous of someone, we forget all our strengths and skills. We try to imitate the other person in order to achieve, but can anyone be successful in trying to become like another? No, it is impossible. So, we get more disappointed and lose the strength we need to achieve our goals.
Then what can I do? I am a person who has worked extremely hard in my career. I have sacrificed a lot to achieve my goals. I am totally committed to my job. I share all my knowledge with my colleagues and make them fit for the job. Yet I remain in the same post and all my colleagues are promoted with distinction. Will I not feel bad?? This makes me restrict myself from sharing knowledge and feel jealous.
I understand your position. It is difficult to face such situations where one is not acknowledged for hard work and sincerity. But, we should also try to analyze our actions. When we teach someone, we need to teach with an attitude that is absolutely good for the other person (selflessness), with nil (zero) expectation.
If we do not grow, then we need to analyze and understand our weaknesses and work on them. The more knowledge we share with others, the more we grow. Becoming jealous of others will only de-motivate us and pull us further down.
No, I have seen such people growing very fast. People who spread wrong information and people who play politics are the most successful ones in careers these days.
Such people may seem to grow, may earn more money, and may get appreciation and attention, but all these will be short-lived. Anything achieved with bad intentions will not last long. They may seem to be very happy and rich but, they will be filled with fear and insecurity. Their thoughts and actions create bad karma and they will have to face its consequences in the future.
OK, now, say, I am in a very good position at my workplace, I am a manager. Similarly, there are many managers in other teams. Since I am skilled in people management and have good technical knowledge, I have cordial relationships with my seniors. There are a few, whom I know, are jealous of me. Next quarter is the time for promotion and I see them doing a lot of activities against me. How do I set them right in the right way?
When we get to know that people are jealous of us, we need to understand them first. A person who is jealous is always
- Filled with fear
- Feels very low, has low self-esteem, highly insecure.
- Feels that he has failed and no one recognizes him.
- Feels that he is not fit for the position.
- Deep pain.
Now just for a moment, forget all that he has done against you and just try to empathize with him. When a person is in such pain and feels very low, is it not natural to have sympathy and help him? Yes, we need to be supportive of him. I know it is not easy to help someone who tries to harm us. But when we truly understand the pain behind their actions, we can empathize and try to support them. If we cannot help them physically, we, at least, need to think good for them. Any person who is jealous is actually in great pain. So it is in humans to do badly for a person who is already in huge pain.
We are in a much better position when compared to him since we have achieved what we wanted. So, the only way to set the situation right is by keeping calm within, wishing good for that person, and trying to help him slowly in getting rid of his fear and pain.
This seems impractical. When I can clearly see that he is spreading a false opinion about me to the entire team and to my seniors and trying to put me in trouble, it is natural for me to hurt him back. If everyone believes him, then what will others think about him? People will get a wrong opinion about me and this in turn will retard my growth.
Yes, it is true. But by hurting him back, will it prove us right? No way. By hurting a person who is already in pain (unstable), we will provoke him to be more and more negative towards us. This is the main cause of many unstable relationships, thefts, murders, rapes, and kidnaps in this world.
It is during such times that we need to be strong within. When we hear wrong information about us, we just need to check; are the statements true. If yes, correct ourselves. If not, just ignore it. When we are on the right track, we need not prove ourselves to the world.
“The truth need not be proved; truth has the power of revealing itself to the world.”