We all have heard of the word “tolerance”. We also use it many times with people like “I am just tolerating my boss”, “I can tolerate his laziness only for sometime”, “I am just tolerating my wife’s behavior”, “I just can’t tolerate my kid telling lies”, etc. What do we mean by “tolerate”? Lets analyse…
What do you mean by “tolerate”?
According to me, it is accepting other people’s behavior since I have no other option left.
Why do you need to tolerate people and their behavior?
I have tried many ways to change people either for their good or for my comfort. But they don’t seem to change because they don’t wish to change. I need to stay/ work with them, I cannot move away. So I have to tolerate them.
If we tolerate people in this way, then for how long can we do it? And how would our behavior to them be? Is it nice to tolerate people with a thought that they are bad? Or “it is our fate, we have to tolerate, we have no other choice”?
“Tolerance means, understanding that people are different and accepting this with a positive mindset.”
When you can clearly see that my boss rules over me and plays politics with me, how can you accept him positively?
Every person behaves in a way, he feels is right. If a person is dominant in nature, it may also mean that he is insecure or he must have had a rough past which has made him feel that dominance is needed to survive. When we try to understand, accept and adjust a little, only then it means that we are tolerating him. Tolerance brings transformation in people. If we just obey him out of compulsion, can we do justice to our work? If so, for how long?
There are also times when we are just used. Apart from my regular work, we are given other works which needs to be done as a favor. Until it is done, we get a luxurious treatment. Once done, we are treated indifferently. Should I tolerate this also?
We need to know what to tolerate and what to face. “Purity, acceptance and tolerance does not mean that people can trample us and walk away.” All physical exploitations, financial threats, child abuse, eve teasing needs to be faced and appropriate/ legal actions need to be taken, with a stable and calm mind.
In this situation, we clearly know that we are getting overloaded. We need to establish assertively the amount of work we can do, in a definite time and need extra time for other works. In this process we also need to understand that the person (boss) is very genuine originally, with a little weakness, which will set-in with time, he/ she has his own valid reason (past) for his behavior.
When we are able to accept people when they are physically or mentally unstable, we should also be able to accept them when they are emotionally unstable, it is all the same. Any instability causes pain and it is because of this pain that people behave in an odd manner.
This clarity will help us to think good about him (people exploiting us) and hence our attitude will also be good.
Why should we think good about a person who exploits (misuses) me or does something bad to me?
There are 3 reasons:
1. If we think negatively about someone, then our behavior towards him will also be bad. This will stimulate him to react more negatively towards us. This results only in anger, tension, stress and loss on both the sides.
2.When we think bad, we are recording a negative karma. We add negativities to our karmic account and hence write a bad destiny for ourselves.
3. Thinking and wishing good for such people is the only easy and the best way to resolve problems.
That is why it is said, “Always think good, be good and do good”.
For example, A Husband says, “My wife is too lethargic. I understand that she needs to work at office as well take care of the house and kids. But still, she is too lazy to cook. If I understand and tolerate this behavior, then should I always eat in hotels/ restaurants daily”?
😃 Tolerating does not mean to allow people to behave in an odd manner. It just means, not to get disturbed emotionally because of another person’s behavior. If we get disturbed like, feel irritated/ angry/ frustrated due to someone’s behavior, then we are not tolerating, we are rejecting him/ her.
If we truly understand this scenario, we would help people to bring about a change. If the wife is lethargic, then, try to understand the reason behind it. Try to help her in small ways to make life easier. Appreciate her truly for her unique qualities like kindness, generosity, love and patience towards kids, commitment at work, etc.
“If we could look into each others hearts and understand the unique challenges each one of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently with more love, patience and tolerance. Hence tolerance is just understanding the other, from his/ her own perspective and accepting this. We need to tolerate each other since it is true that, each one of us are special, different and has a unique role in this journey of life.”
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!